Are you the kind of man that every woman wants?*
I for one, am holding out for a hero … at least until the end of an ordinary working Wednesday. Are you one of them?
are you the kind of man who will ask a woman for help?
We teach boys that to be a man means to have emotional control, to be strong and never show weakness. As a result, men are three times more likely to commit suicide and more likely to see struggling as the domain of the weak (and female). Women are less likely to be asked for their input at work, or be turned to for important decisions. When men ask, both sides benefit.
are you the kind of man who will trust a woman with something challenging?
In a recent HBR article by Susan S. Silbey, she showed that women are more likely to leave engineering roles, having typically been delegated less challenging work and more readily given the administrative and organisational tasks. In organisations where achievement determines progression, giving women the ‘tough stuff’ will result in more capable, challenged and promotable women.
are you the kind of man who will ‘talk up’ a woman?
One of the many ways in which women have been blamed for their situation, is a failure to negotiate pay rises, or career progression. And when they do? More women than men receive push back and are identified as ‘too aggressive’ or ‘intimidating’ (women in the workplace 2016). It sometimes seem hard to know how to win this one. Women tend to operate in women only networks, and, as such, have less access to senior managers within a business. We also know more people who have relationships with key influencers are promoted. Men who use their voices to promote women will, in turn, help promote women.
are you the kind of man who ‘asks her to dance’?
Think about it. Dating sites have the same challenges that most talent acquisition teams do. Girls are taught that if they are nice and sweet and good, someone will come along and ask them. Getting women to initiate a conversation with someone they like the look of, or a job they like the look of, are the same thing. If you manage women, do you know for sure that she isn’t waiting to be asked to get involved in that exciting new project?
are you the kind of man who can tell her what you really think?
Men are more concerned that women will (and I quote) ‘have an emotional breakdown’ over feedback, and that in doing so, men will be seen as mean and hurtful. So what? Well, women receive less meaningful feedback about their performance, which negatively influences their ability to progress.
So…are you the man I’ve been looking for?
We live in a world where masculinity is being challenged and unsure of itself. A world where women find they are ever less depending upon men for financial support and where there are fewer male only roles. A world where 'a mans man is yesterdays hero'. (Matt Haig)
We also live in a world where women are chronically underrepresented in senior roles, and find the same longstanding barriers still exist for their participation. Unless we are prepared to accept that there are at least another 80 years before there is gender parity at work, we need a few more heroes to change things.
Where one group has an unequal distribution of power, it is hard for that group to see clearly the privilege they have. Grayson Perry in his book ‘The Descent of Man' describes how we are conditioned to see ‘for the comfort of man’ as normal. Even the office air con temperature is set to ‘man’.
Create a culture that values and rewards so called ‘masculine’ behaviours, and you exclude women who aren't prepared to face down criticism that in being 'like a man', she is now ‘too bossy’ and not enough of a woman. Without more standard bearers to challenge male perceptions at work, the pipeline of female talent will continue to slow to a trickle as it approaches the boardroom.
For a group with privilege to challenge the very privilege they benefit from requires real guts and determination. It requires men of steel, men on white horses, who are unafraid…and wearing their underpants on the outside.
Be that man. Be a hero.
*at work