We are experiencing a new level of scrutiny and accountability for the treatment of, and attitudes towards women. It is long overdue. However, how we deal with this, and how we move forward with this new level of expectation is important. If we don’t create the environment for real change to take place, it will fail. Any student of organisational change will know that 70% of cultural change programmes fail. It is more likely therefore, that this movement will fail, than succeed.
Big change requires big leadership. What is required from us for this to be a success? What are the leadership qualities required for navigating through this new world? And, what can the appointment of Phil Neville teach us about ourselves?
When we are faced with change, or something that we don’t like, It is easy to outsource blame to other people. We choose to punish in perpetuity. And we choose to absolve ourselves of responsibility, by pointing the finger at the ‘others’. What is difficult is to accept is what we have been, and what work we have to do to become what we need to be.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Jung.
Forgiveness requires real work. Whether it is to forgive ourselves, or to forgive others. We must confront what is uncomfortable in ourselves. We must accept that we are vulnerable, and imperfect. We must accept what was true about us, and how we have changed. We must accept that others have the power to hurt us. We have to take a deep breath, and take the risk that it may not work out if we give them a second chance. Real bravery is giving someone the chance to learn.
Whether shock, disbelief, anger, or mild amusement is your response, we all have a response to it. Change is a felt process, and we process it through our emotions. This does not necessarily enable us to make sound decisions. The braying mob does not make good decisions. Vigilante justice should not replace an expectation of proper accountability – even if from institutions who have consistently failed to do so. Using our power to punish, is part of the system that we are trying to change.
This is not to say that emotions aren’t honest, or valid, or necessary for change. They must just sit within our own awareness and understanding. We have to meet them in order to transform them. Without them, we will never progress. But. They must sit alongside critical thinking, fact checking and being able to view the world from multiple perspectives.
This is not to say that we should not be held accountable for what we do. If you assault someone, you have committed a crime. If you have made some sexist ‘jokes’, you have contributed to a world that makes sexual assault more likely, but it is not the same. To prohibit people from future opportunities, and preclude them from learning, creates more opposition to learning, and limits them to a future without learning or growth.
“Do you best until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. Maya Angelou
How we have been, will not always define how we are, nor what is possible for us. Think back to your younger self. What do you know now that you didn’t then? Our ability to learn throughout our lives may be the most fundamental skill we have in a world of rapid change and technological development. Expecting others to learn more, to challenge themselves and to be encouraged to do better should be our default as leaders.
Phil Neville is a man. He grew up in football and a predominantly masculine culture. He has spent his years being revered at the pinnacle of a sport that rewards ‘lad’ behaviour and is never far from accusations of discrimination. In a world where red top papers reveal scandals about his peers behaviour, and has coined the term, WAG to describe a prized possession.
Are we surprised that he has made sexist jokes in the past? You shouldn’t be. I’d be surprised if you could find anyone who hasn’t. So, as a product of the environment he has grown up in, should he be punished forever? Simply put, should we keep the bar low and punish him for what he has been? Preclude him for a role that he may or may not be capable of? Or, should we hold him to a new level of expectation, and invite him to raise the bar, taking as many with him as he can?
In making your judgement, consider the reasons why it is argued he shouldn’t have the job.
1. He is not a woman – an argument that a woman should hold the job, is as limiting as an assumption it should be a man. That gender shouldn’t matter in hiring is a key issue to be overcome by women.
2. He is not qualified or experienced enough for the job – Men without experience get jobs all the time. To close the gender pay gap, we need more women with potential, but not experience to be taken a chance on more often. There is a not an issue with hiring for potential, its just that a broader range of people need to be hired that way.
3. He has not been perfect – he is the product of his environment. This is true of all of us. He has made some mistakes. Who hasn't? Women are often striving to be perfect, and are unforgiving of themselves when they do not meet unattainable standards. Accepting that we are less than perfect, that we are trying, and that we are forgiving. This, as we are encouraging learning and growth along the way - this is the way to help everyone be better.
The appointment is not without controversy. There are more opinions than words in this article, and there are often strongly felt. I, too, find myself confused and conflicted by the complexity of the situations that we find ourselves in. Navigating through this and meeting each of this issues with compassionate confrontation takes time, energy and empathy.
Perhaps it is time to be pragmatic. The world we live in is not perfect. There will be a myriad of tales and offensive tweets to come. There will be times where we need to demand accountability. There will be times when we need to challenge ourselves and confront the uncomfortable. There will definitely be times where we need to let go of what was, and move forward. We need to stay open, maintain our empathy, and practice forgiveness. If we can lead the way forward with all these things, we can lead the way.
Come on, Phil. Do better. Bring all that you have, and all of your capacity for learning and be a powerful and positive force for women's football. Bring your profile, and your power, be a leader, and win.
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