Is it the responsibility of the system that we operate in to change, or the responsibility of us to change? When it comes to better gender equality, who’s responsibility is it?
I hear plenty of arguments that holding women to account, perpetuates a culture of blame. That by providing tips for change, and learning for women, that we make them the ‘problem’. A blame already forced upon them from how they dress, to how they act and what they choose to do.
If women don’t change, then who, or what does?
Here, we ask that the structures, systems and policies that exist to reinforce gender inequality change. We ask that those around us who have benefitted from living in a society that benefits them, at the expense of women, change.
So, what is right? Is it them, or us? A person, or a system of inequality?
Whoever, you are, you cannot outsource responsibility to change from yourself, and expect to make it happen. You cannot not be a part, of the structures, systems and policies that exist to reinforce gender inequality. You therefore cannot, not be a part of the solution. For you, and for our daughters daughters. The following is always true;
It is for this reason that I am perfectly comfortable asking anyone to reflect upon their role within the system. To ask themselves what they need to learn, or do differently in order to invite change into the system. Women and men have work to do in order to shift the system. You are the system, and to change the system, you must have a) agency to change and b) learning to support your change.
In most coaching, and leadership programmes, we talk about the circles of control and influence. We talk about the value of setting goals that exist within the span of what you can control. Without it, you are outsourcing responsibility for achieving your goal to someone else.
That is not to say that we shouldn’t expect the system to change, that we shouldn’t hold people to account, or to expect more of them. We cannot get a system to change without sustained action. It is just that is the responsibility of all of us to do it. To do otherwise, makes us a victim. A victim, expecting others to be different, with no power to be able to make it happen. I am not that, and I don’t want that for any woman.
Learning gives us choices, and for a more equal world, women need to have more choices, and to expect more opportunities. As men do. We are going to need to do it with grace, plenty of forgiveness and some humility. To do so without blame, or individuals, groups, or the system itself. But to do so with kindness, and practical steps forward. We will need to know that, as a product of these systems, we won’t always get it right, and that there is no perfect way.
Our daughters daughters is about the legacy we are creating now. The changes we make, for the future world in which our children live and work in. It aims to provide practical ways to empower men and women to make changes now for a more gender equal world. Through education, collaboration and development. For more information and to be in touch, please contact us at info@ourdaughtersdaughters.com or;
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